Fucked up

Well, today was basically just fucked up. I don't know out of all days, why today? It's definitely not my day today coz loads of things happened and its all fucked up. I don't know how I am supposed to feel right now. I'm angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed and many other feelings. I don't even know how to react. No words can explain how I feel now because everything is just mixed up. I don't know how to do this anymore. I know I'm not supposed to cry but I am right now and it's definitely not okay. I'm supposed to be strong and be the one to protect people. I'm not supposed to break down and cry. That's not how my mum brought be up. Why? Omg! Seriously I don't know how to feel. So many things going on at one go that I don't know what's exactly happening. Everything is just not right... 

Why does it seemed like everyone's leaving. It's like they just go without saying goodbye or even explaining themselves. It's like as if I don't mean a thing to them at all. Am I just a doll for you to use and play around and once you are bored you would throw it one side. Am I that easy to lie to? Is it because I'm naive?? Well, if that's the case.. I guess it's my fault now right?? 

I know that you were only with us because of the audition and that it only ends there but. If you are just leaving us like this, it's not fair. You know how much it takes me to actually trust you? I have a hard time trusting people and you do this? What fuck is this? I trust you and you do this? Does this means that you don't  trust me? Then why in the first place you had to make me feel like as if I'm your friends and stuff. I tried hard to understand you. I tried to not make you feel forced or something and you just... Know what, fuck you.