Changes

What are changes? Changes are things that makes you grow up. Changes in the envirnment. Changes in friends. Changes in people themselves. Why does it happen? That, we do't know but it can be either bad or good. Change is what humans do to adapt you see. And for me, today was the day that I actually see it....

I meet up with Kon after a long 6 months. I was rather shocked to see my friend here, who have been always away from any time of makeup and dresses wearing a short blue dress and with makeup on! This was really what I didnt expect. You see, she was the type of girl who had always been the tomboyish one and that was the reason why we are rather close in our first few meetings. Seeing this physical change made me scared and uncomfortatble. What if she changed? What if Kon is not Kon anymore? What if she doesn't like me? All these questions came to me so sudden that I was lost. I didn't know what to do and was terrified. Then, when Kon came to me and said, 

"Someday, we have to grow up right?"

That was when I realise that she was right. We have to grow up one day. And soon, it will be me. I have to grow up. One day, I have to leave all these fun and games behind and face the real world. That made me think back all of the things I had done. Will I be able to "grow up" without regretting anything?? Will I be able to look back and feel that I have done all my best?

Disband

sup guise!!

Guess what? We are disband! Well, that was shocking... *sarcasm intended* Hahahahaa!! Anyways, its decided that the crew is disband and I don't really know how to react actually. No,, actually I FEEL GREAT!! I dont have to feel guilty anymore. Honestly, I want to quit the crew coz it is just simply dumb that the crew leader is just simply not really managing it well and it sucks. Plus, I don't get to do the genre that I like. SO what is really the point right? I don't blame him on the disbandment. Its honestly all our fault for not trusting and believing enough. We weren't being a team. Yes, I do sometimes put the blame on him. But its only natural.

"We humans are too mundane and we need to find and put blame on others. But remember, the faults are not in our stars but in ourselves, they are underlined"

Thats what I believe. I don't know about you guise. I feel its better this way. I want to act like we don't know each other anymore and act like we've never met. I think that way, I don't get hurt. 

You fall

You get hurt and you may cry. 

But you got to pick up yourself because no one is ever going to do that for you.

INVADE THE BEACH WITH OUR KEPEHNESS

Went to the beach with the kepeh kutaalis. LETS GO!!

HAri Raya!!!

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!
TIME FOR DUIT RAYA AND YUMMY FOOD!! OMNOMNOMNOM!!!

 

FIRST DAY OOTD

 

THIRD DAY OOTD!!

 

 

Racial harmony day la guise...

Supp!! Phew... been alot of emotional posts these few weeks. Sorry... life's being a bitch to me right now. Nyahahahah!! Anyways so this week was RH week so we had to dress up to school. Decided to go as the usual ninja warrior swag. hehehehe

The story behind all this.

There was this girl. Like any other girls, she was neither the beutiful one nor the smart and nice one. She is just a typical cheerful girl. Then, one day, she met this person on the first day of sec 3.She didn't know that he would play a special part in her life. For the first time in her entire life, she felt her heart beat so fast. It never beat this fast before. Not even before a competition. She... fell in love. That's what you call I guess. She got paranoid. How could this be possible? She can't possibly like him right? I mean, who is he to make her fall so deep? He wasn't perfect. He wasn't anything but just a simple guy. Yet, he was the only one that could make her heart beat this fast. Nobody had ever done that to her. Well, except for her idol that is but.... How is this possible?  Why she asked. Yet, she couldn't answer. She watched him from afar for 2 long years. She couldn't tell anyone. Not even to her best friend. She waited and waited to make sure of her feelings. She even forced herself to think that she had fallen for another to take her mind off him... but, no. She couldn't. She acted so well that she actually thought that she liked the other but then, when he came back... her world was shattered again... Why? She realised that she was still deep in his trap. WHy can't she just tell him she said... she's afraid you see. Afraid of what? She herself don't know. 

All love is painful

well. Simple as this, love sucks. Honestly, I thought that maybe if I like another guy it would simply fade away... But guess what. It doesn't. Girls, don't ever reject your feelings... Don't ever say that you like someone else when you like the other.

Honestly, why did I make myself believe that I like the other? Seriously, how dumb can I be? Just because I don't wanna get hurt? WTF? Now I got hurt much more worst! FML. I don't know what is happening. 

GD World tour!

Hey guise! So I went to GD's world Tour in Singapore. I went for both days. Yes. I know. Im THAT into him. What you wanna start bashing? Go straight away! Hahahahaha!

Basically, I went there with my sister. The first day was quite okay. Not really fun because the other fans werent so enthu like us so we were like the only two who was practically singing to ALL of GD's songs.But the performances were just simply breathtaking! Alkl the lights and the graphics shonwn on stage were just awesome! I could literally say its the best concert I've ever been to. (Sorry BigBang bros and 2NE1. GD is just simply the best of the best.)  Honestly, I was screaming my ass off. We managed to get quite a nice spot. Everything was simply amazing. GD is just the best man you could ever see in your entire life. Its a good thing that he actually spoke in English and it shows how much he had improved since the first time he debuted. Its Spectacular! The remixs of tyhe songs are definitely the best. With all the actaully bands crews there to perform the song live is just great. The song order is really grewat because you could actually see how it flows from being crazy at the start and then gradually going into the slow soft singing and then back to jumpping our ass off. Its really amazing. 2NE1 was there as a specially guest. They brought everyone into a new level of crazyness!

I thought I would get bored by the performance but guess what? Day two was even better!! The crowd were just amazing! Even much better than Day One. They were all hyed up and ready to ump their fist up in the air and party all night long. To make it better, Big Bang parents were all there to see GD's last concert. The explosions were even louder and even more bigger. It got everyone excited. Literaly. Im really happy to have gone for both days.

HONESTLY THE BEST 2 DAYS OF MY LIFE!

True Touch

 While watching GD World tour, I honestly felt jealous. I'm so jealous of his success. How is that even possible? He's just 25 and already a millionaire? His parents must be so fucking proud of him! I mean, well who else own a resort that cost $5 Million and earning more than 920,000USD just from sales of song copyrights? He earned that all by himself. How is that even possible?? Gosh. I'm really envious of him. Truthfully, Im proud that have looked up to him since young. He has been my idol and have always been.

Honestly, I don't think I can go far. I really really wanna go far with dancing but Idont know why, I feel like I dont have the talent. I know that I not as good as those dancers. I tried really hard. I just feel like giving up but I know that I won't. I don't want to. Im in a very confused stage right now. But truthfully,I don't know if this really suits me. I feel really confused right now. But I know this is the only way I can get to where I want. So fuck this shit. Im just gonna train hard like some mofo.

Breakups. Makeups. Wakeup.

We broke up.

We made up.

I woke up.

All happened in one day. Wow. Fantastic baby! Hahahahah!! I dont know what to say actually. It just sucks and yeah. I thought everyone is fine... Its just thoughts I guess. We broke up. SOund like as if I broke up with my boyfriend. But yeah. Well. We now back to square one. LOL. OH well. Their choice.

Perfect

Perfect. What is perfection?

In each family, there's always the children. It's like how one is the naughty badass, the attention hogger and the perfect one. Well, apparently, I am deemed to be the perfect one. 

Everyone always gets shocked that I'm the youngest in my family because I don't act like one. At home, I'm expected to be mature and all grown up. I don't get it. I'm the youngest. Shouldn't I get pampered? Should I get to be showered with loads of love? You know what? Not for me. 

I'm always the perfect one that nobody notices. To them, since I'm always doing well, I don't need their attention you see. I always end up just doing my own stuff. One, I'm just tired of getting insulted.

Two, nobody wants to know what I'm doing.

You know the story, my sisters keeper? Well, my life is like that. My oldest sister being Kate. I always have to make sure she is alright and all. And my middle sister being Jesse. The troublemaker of the family. Always getting into fights and stuff. And... There's me, who is plainly, Anna. The perfect little one who is expected to know everything and make sure all is fine. 

Well... That's depressing.

It's funny

Its funny how it's always like this.

Its funny how the people around me treat me. No matter who or what they are, its always the same. I tried being the bitch but it never works. I always end up being the nice one. Being the one who is the outcast. Being the one who is people's second choice. I always wanted to say 'Im used to it' but in fact, I never was used to it. It

Its funny how they always thought that I can't lie nor act but in reality, I'm always lying. All day, its the same routine. No matter how annoyed or how depressed I am, I always end up coming to you with a smile. Never a sad face. Its how I work, you see. Early in the morning, I wake up. Put on my smile and start the day without people know how I feel. I hide things. Things that I think are my weakness.

Its funny how I always put up the brave me in front of everyone. You know why? I'm scared of what I might end up to. Its like my shield. Its how I protect myself. Its how I survive. I refuse to let down my guard no matter who you are. I never cry. I wont cry. I always hold back my tears.. Always.

Its funny how I think myself as a wolf. I like wolf. I think I'm like it. Realise that wolfs cry at night. Yeap. For that simple reason. Night is the only time I let myself out. I feel that the darkness make me feel that nobody is there to see me when I cry.

Its funny how people think they know me well when in reality, they dont. Nobody know. No one will.

Fucked up

Well, today was basically just fucked up. I don't know out of all days, why today? It's definitely not my day today coz loads of things happened and its all fucked up. I don't know how I am supposed to feel right now. I'm angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed and many other feelings. I don't even know how to react. No words can explain how I feel now because everything is just mixed up. I don't know how to do this anymore. I know I'm not supposed to cry but I am right now and it's definitely not okay. I'm supposed to be strong and be the one to protect people. I'm not supposed to break down and cry. That's not how my mum brought be up. Why? Omg! Seriously I don't know how to feel. So many things going on at one go that I don't know what's exactly happening. Everything is just not right... 

Why does it seemed like everyone's leaving. It's like they just go without saying goodbye or even explaining themselves. It's like as if I don't mean a thing to them at all. Am I just a doll for you to use and play around and once you are bored you would throw it one side. Am I that easy to lie to? Is it because I'm naive?? Well, if that's the case.. I guess it's my fault now right?? 

I know that you were only with us because of the audition and that it only ends there but. If you are just leaving us like this, it's not fair. You know how much it takes me to actually trust you? I have a hard time trusting people and you do this? What fuck is this? I trust you and you do this? Does this means that you don't  trust me? Then why in the first place you had to make me feel like as if I'm your friends and stuff. I tried hard to understand you. I tried to not make you feel forced or something and you just... Know what, fuck you.

Touch My Bodehhhh

I know. The title is so fucked up because I have no idea what to write as my title. Since its my most said phrase for this week.... it will be my title name. Hahahahaha!! Nonsense. Sorry. Had too much sugar. So yeah.... I ended up eating too much sugar at one go. 4 packets of ovaltine bits, a pack of mentos and nerdss and a bar of candies. In addition, had a regular pure double chocolate from Coffee Bean and a chocoloate pretzel. Yup! Thats why im so high right now....

Im kinda excited to see MaxStylerZ tomorrow. I is missing them! I need them soon or I will die. Seriously. I'm like just drifting through the week so that i could meet them on Saturdays... I swear I miss them so much. Oh and did I mention that Jude is in our crew? Yay!! Im so happy for him. I've always knew he would be in soon. He got the talent okay! Dont play play! Hahahaahaha! The new choreo for the opening for Fame is just awesome even tho' I keep fucking it up like a boss.... BUT! Yeah!! I can do it! Other than this fabulous shits happening.... Im kinda worried.

 Im worried for Sufy. He seems troubled. I know that its not my place to be such a busybody but... I've seen too much of these things happening. I mean, look around me. My family is all fucked up so I kinda understand him somehow?? I dont know. Its just that I dont want things to happen. Its sad to see this kind of stuff. I hope he's doing fine and stuff... I know he's going through alot and its gonna be a lonely path for him. I understand. In life, shit happens and its all in the process of learning. All the best bro! We'll be your pillar.

Anyways, this reminds me of that again. Fuck la. I shall stop. If not, it wont be right. Right? OMG! Is it wrong for me to like someone who my friend likes too? I met him first! Fuck la. Im gave up anyways... so no point. Lets just live life and give love to other people. Oh gosh. Talking nonsense again...

Im so tired. So sleepy. I want to sleep. I want talk to the waddups but they like all dead in the chat... especially Jude. The fuck you doing.... Urgh.... Im bored. Bored as fuck. Bored like a motherfuccking ass.fuck this shit.

 IM OUT

Let go

Im letting it go.

 Yes.

 I decided to let it go. 

I'm fine with it. 

I'll have to deal with it. 

One way or another...

Every rose has its thorn

"Every rose has its thorn."  - Hayi

I think thats very accurate. The thorns are how the rose protect itself. Its like how we protect ourselves from getting hurt. Everyone has their own problems and they have different ways of keep it away from others. But somehow, others end up knowing. I wonder about that all the time. Hmmm... Most they can see through us. I always know how my friends are feeling coz its easy to read them. Maybe cause I know them well... But.Why don't they see me through? I don't know. Maybe. Just maybe. They can't be bothered. Or am I too hard to read? Hope so. I see people around me. How they behave. How their body language is. Their tone of voice. That's how I realize what they are feeling. I may not be able to feel their pain but I can share it with them. You know, every time people ask what super powers I want to possess, I always wanted to be able to feel how people are feeling and share them with me. I want to understand them. Because, I sometimes don't even understand what I'm feel. Its like as if I'm mentally ill. I feel like crying but at the same time i feel like laughing. Its either I'm mentally retarded or just fucked up. Oh Gosh....

Well, you know, I'll do anything for friends right??  Its always friends first for me right? But. What if this time I don't want to give it up? What if its something I want? What if I need it. What if.... Its someone that I like...?

Reminisce

Went out with Syah today. Actually went out to go to TP to send in my finance form and also go for my interview at Spinelli. I got the job! Thank God Tracy recommend me to the manager. If not, I wouldn't be able to get the job! After that, I went to accompany Syah to CCP as she wanted to pass the thumb drive to her colleague. We got coffee from Coffee Bean and went around CCP for window shopping. Had a massive chat up with Syah. Been years since I saw her!! I don't even know how we actually remain as best friends. seriously! Missed her loads! And got ice cream from her shop!! kekekeke!!

MaxStylerz

Hey Bitches! Wassup! 

I know... Been long since I bloody updated. Can't deny that I've been bloody lazy and fucking busy! Its like suddenly everthing comes to attack me at once and Im like "hold on tities! I need time bitch!"

The poly admission stuff was a bitch! Had to get a freaking health check up. The worst part, there's a fucking blood test!! They sooo didnt warn me abt that! My friends dont even need to do that? Like wtf? Why would I need my blood type to study abt children? That doesnt make any sense! Who is that mothefucking hoe who put that into the freaking stupid requirement?? *breathes heavily*

Okay.... Chillax! Anyways, I shouldnt be ranting about this...

MAXSTYLERZ

What do you think about that name? Cool huh? Like I said before, I joined a dance crew and its like one of the best thing I had ever done in my entire life!! No regrets so far! Made new great friends! They are bloody nice and fucking talented! Most of them are my age but they are so much more talented than me. I've realised that I'm not the only one that has this talent. Its common to have the talent but the thing is... whether we want to improve or not. Whether we want to work hard or not. I know my road to being a backup dance is rocky but I know that being in this crew is a starter for me. Its like a stepping stone for me to reach my ultimate goal. I have to try, I have to succeed, I have to work hard. Nothing beats hard work!

Yup! Thats right!

Game end

Its my off day today which means, its my lazy day. I'm basically lazying around at home. Spent the whole day reading my Harry Potter series. Its was soothing. Nice day today. Wasn't too warm or too cold. A real perfect day to lazy around at home. Was supposed to get dinner with the usual clique but wasn't feeling so well so I decided to stay home and rest since I have to work tomorrow. I tried the cranberry scented candles today and it was awesome! Super nice smell! It neither had a strong smell nor unscented. Its in the middle so its just perfect! Finally had the time to eat my vanilla ice cream from Ben's and Jerry's! They are my fav!!

 Anyways, sis called me to inform me that I won't be able to work at the same outlet as her anymore because it was in the contract that any siblings or family related people are not allowed to work at the same outlet. WTF? Are you kidding me? I've worked for 4 freaking months and yet they never said anything? what nonsense is this? They should at least write on my contract or something! at least I would have been warned! Well, if they had wanted me to transfer to Square2 it would be fine but now that Mama-san is going to resign.... well, actually she had already tendered, I don't want to. The people working there is just to weird. They are totally not decent enough! Plus, the layout there is unbearable!! So difficult to make drinks there because its all over the place and you have move around alot just to make one freaking drink! Imagine me there, I would have to cover for people all the time, for sure! I thought of quitting the job and finding another one but its rather difficult to find a job that is flexible. I dont mind working all day on Mon to Fri but I definitely don't wanna work on Sundays because its like lazy day for me!

WHY DO LIFE HATE ME SO  MUCH?!

Lost Child

I got scared. I panicked. I cried. I laughed. All at the same time. Am I going mad? I, myself, do not know. As they said, God only give us problems that we can overcome and only those who went through alot are the strong ones. I highly doubt so. I really do. I don't know if I can take it anymore. My family always said that my middle sis had it worst than me. Having to pay the house bills and all but little did they realise that they were blind. I am the one who is hurting so badly. I am the one who is breaking into pieces, bits by bits. I don't know about others but all I know I'm trying my best to stay strong and persevere.

There only so little that a 17 year old could take. I know I'm not among the strong ones. Today, mum and my oldest sis fought again. This time it got worst. And with all the emotions accumulated, I got scared. No, I got terrified. Mum started to hit her head with things and sis started to wail. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I was too...weak. Too weak to do anything. All I could do was to distract my niece. That was all I could do. I'm really pathetic huh?

I always wanted to be those girls on TV where they have such perfect life. Having a Dad that dots on them, Mum that love them so much and siblings that are always there for them. Some of my friends are like that. They don't realise that they were living the perfect life that I could never have. They don't see that there are more things to life. They don't know how fortunate they are to have such a family that I could only dream of. Now, without school, I feel so lost. I don't know where to go or what I am doing. I am just letting life bring me wherever it wants me to. Its so depressing. I am a lost child.

Dancing Queen

So I've been thinking alot these few days to start dancing again. ANd I did. I think its ahuge step for me to start again after 4 years of not practicing. Its really something for me to catch up. I wasn't really sure about bthis decision because I was afraid that I might not able to improve or even be like last time. I'm hoping to get this right. SInce this has been my passion since I was really young. I thought I should give it a shot aghain. Maybe I could even make dancing as a carrer. But of course, I would have a backup plan if I (touch wood) to fail in this path.

I ended up making a dance crew with Mirah and Dell. It was more of an improvised thing. We randomly met up to dance and you know what? We actually clicked well! It was kinda shocking cause we weren't really close during our schoool years, mainly because we were either of different calss orwe just have our own clique that time. But now, things really changed. I felt really connected to them like I have never been before with the clique. Its really different. With the clique, I felt distant because all of them were....well, different. As i, in our way of thinking and also our way of potraying tings but with the crew, I actually feel like I am meant to be a part of it. We share our problems and I didn't even got judged! They didnt even commented on my actions, they just listened to what I have to say and gave encouragement. They do give advide but not in a way saying that I did things wrong because they understandwhat I am going through I know that my actions were just mindless and not meant. We texted each other day and night. Know what, I actually bothered to reply back. THEY actually bothered to reply back. I feel blessed to have met them. Thank you God for making me meet them. I really appreaciate what had happened between us three. I hope they do too.

i CAN NOW READ SEVENTEEN....

Im seventeen and I feel old now.... damn it! Mum, why did you gave birth to me so early? I feel so retardedly tired because I have  life and Im 17. My friend are calling me old now. I am pathetic...

I turned 17 today on 2 Jan and its not really a good day. Spent my morning witnessing a fight between my sister and parents. And guess what? Its nothing new. I'm actually surprised that they actually realized that its my birthday today! How pathetic am I? All is well. The morning was just History to me anyways...

Had to work closing today. Spent my whole evening from 6 to 11 at work closing the expresso machine and brewer. But had fun laughing with Mama-san at work. She kept teasing Eduardo about Yati. I joined in the fun too. I mean, when else can I tease my sis with Eduardo. HE just kept on laughing. I can see he was totally embarrassed  but had to cool it off to maintain his manliness. SO typical of guys to do that. At least it served as a laughing gas for me. It actually made my day better. I don't mind having him as my brother in law if you know what I mean. He's quite cute but a bit blur. Who cares?

Anyway, managed to finish work at 10:30pm. Mama-san had Eduard to send me to the MRT coz she felt it was a duty of a "borther-in-law". Mama-san is so cute! I swear she has a multiple personality disorder. I moment she is happy, one moment she is angry  She even made me cover for her on Sat closing at Square2! And I actually said yes!! What have I landed myself into??  As usual, the typical me getting pushed around by people. I don't know why I let people do that to me...

I reached home to find myself locked out by my family coz they were trying to surprise me with a cake. It was so obvious because, firstly, I could hear them laughing with my baby girl inside. Secondly, I could hear the lighter working as they were trying to light up the candles. How cute! I had to play along because its was just too adorable to see them like that. Spent the night eating the cake and Pizza! Now, finished eating the cake and Yati is soundly asleep in her bed beside mine. Got to go to bed soon. Goodnight!

The Scientist Lied

Here we are in the year 2013. The world didn't end. There wasn't any zombie Apocalypse. What a shame... Really wanted to use my Anti-zombie suit I created. JOKE.

 So the first post of this blog supposed to be my reflection of 2013 AND my new 2013 resolution. Yeap! I'm going to make this space as my way of releasing my stress and reflecting on myself for the day. I'm hoping that I could have a new post each day so that i could improve myself and also my life. I know... i wont be able to do that but hey, its worth trying right?? 

So... reflection of the year... hmmm... I think I did horrible this year. Everything was a huge mess. My studies were crap. My social life was down the drain and not to mention my family? OH GOD! The horror!! I didn't think that i could actually survive 2012. I really thought I would break down somewhere through the year but luckily I didn't. I'm kinda proud of myself that I could actually went through it. I didn't expect myself to do that well. But hey, glad I could made did and managed to open up this space.

My resolution for 2013.

Firstly, I would LOVE to start back on my dancing so I could stay fit and of course achieve my dreams of being a dancer. I should start signing up for dancing and also do cover and post it online so people could critique on me. That way i would definitely improve for the better right?

Secondly, I going to start following a healthy lifestyle. This is going to be the hardest change that I would have to do. I just LOVE JUNK FOOD. They are my life. I eat it everywhere I go. The worst part is reducing the amount of ramyun I'm going to eat. I'm also planing to go to the gym atb least once a week and also take the stairs and walk in every possible chance I have. It also save money right?? I don't even know if I could do that. But i know if I WANT to be better, I NEED to try. 

Thirdly, I'm going sign myself up for guitar. Its something "new" for me to learn. I want to try to learn something new every year so that I could enjoy life much better. I'm still young so I thought I need to get all the knowledge I have in the world. We ARE living in the 21st Century. We need to be MORE TALENTED. I know that I'm not talented so I NEED to work hard to achieve what I dream myself to be.

Fourth, I want to be RESPONSIBLE. I need to. My dad is npot going to work all his life right? I need to take over someday. So I thought to myself "Hey! Why not I help my dad to pay off for the house?" I mean, I'm also living here. Even though it IS my dad responsibility but as a daughter, THIS is the only way I could REPAY all the things they had done for me.

Lastly but certainly not the least, I want to be a better VIP, B2UTY, BLACKJACK and High Skoolers. I wanna try to support them as much as I could. Even if its not much, I still want to support them. Buy their albums and stuff. Hehehe!1 Can't leave out the Korean in me! 

Oh! I almost forgot! I might even have some Korean post. Its a way for me to improve Korean... So, That it. That'ts the post for today. Life is going to be good if you choose the right direction! Stay healthy and peace out!